Write to Me -----Revion (2)
Write me letters.Salt me with crazy words.Write me, like fire under a river,like a red moon and fish crossing the sky,like listening to a raven stop in mid-air and call for a journey to Mars.Write me...
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Anna,I read this elsewhere and going over it once more, I see something here. First I want to say I believe the repetition does its job here. I mean, it worked for me. This is (of course) purely a...
View ArticleRe: Write to Me -----Revion (2)
LS--oh yes, the strong, clear declarative for which i am so often a pushover. Write me letters.and best when quickly converted into a striking image--like in old movies:love poems so often drift, like...
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Anne for me this starts getting kind of flat a little before the last stanza, right around here: to add salt in meat, to echo the bounces between walls, to cover footprint in the snow, to play songs...
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Hi Kathleen,Thank you very much for reading it again and sharing your comments.Yes. I agree with u. The ending with the first read tasted good, then went flat with second thoughts. I revised it and...
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hi Bernie,Thank you very much for sharing detailed comments.When I first wrote this, I want to write the stages that one develops her/his shy yet lingering love feeling towards obvious strong growing...
View ArticleRe: Write to Me -----Revion (2)
Hi Sergio, you are right. Thanks a lot for your comments and thoughts. Great help. Anna
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A---yes to the new revision. still not crazy for the cat down the alley---unlike all other images in the poem except for the fanciful raven.---but i like the color and excitement of S 2.I would use...
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Hi Bernie, For this poem, I am kind of being lost in revision. I guess I need to leave it for a while, then re-read to see how to improve. Thanks for more tips. Anna
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AnnaI have been reading with interest,and what I wanted to say about the last lines,somebody said it.I like what you have done with this poem.Sivakami
View ArticleRe: Write to Me -----Revion (2)
Hi Anna. I like the version of this that I've just read very much - well done. My only nit is in with the folowing line: 'Red wine blurs the words on the page.' Pre and post this the demand is 'write...
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